Sex

Sex, such a controversial word/topic. This is going to be my feelings, thoughts, and opinions on it.

To most people sex is such a natural common thing in peoples lives. But what if I told you there are people out there who could care less about sex? Hello my name is Cassie and i have little to no desire for sex, nice to meet you. Now I know what you’re thinking, “Oh well you’ve just never had good sex before” or “As you get older you’ll want to” or the famous one that I heard before I actually had sex “Once you actually have sex you’ll feel different” Let me tell you it has never been the case for me.

I felt the need to write about this not just for my own benefit but maybe someone else out there might be feeling similar and thinks they’re all alone.

It’s always been some what of a weird topic for me. Ever sense late middle school all my friends would talk about sex or what it would be like to have sex. I honestly could’ve and still care less. As I’ve gotten older it seems that most people my age just wanna have sex, and they would rather have sex with someone they just met then someone they actually know. Now for me I would much rather do everything else then have sex, it just seems more intimate to me, and honestly way more fun. Plus what even defines sex, in school we learn that sex is when a penis goes into a vagina. But what about non heterosexual relationships? Are they not having sex? But they are in their own ways.

I just wanted to write this to show that not everyone is as into sex as you may seem, so if you aren’t don’t worry you aren’t weird.

xxCassandraLeah

Demisexuality

Welcome back!

Just a disclaimer this is just how i view these things and what i have learned, this is not meant to offend anyone and if i mistype or you have further info feel free to leave it in the comments below!

This is going to be a little bit about how i describe myself as a demisexual, i will also touch on a bit about how i identify as pansexual as well.

So if you don’t know what demisexuality is here is the definition for you “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity.” And well we are giving definitions here is the definition for pansexual “not limited in sexual choice with regard to biological sex, gender, or gender identity.”

For me i feel like i identify not only with being demisexual but being pansexual as well. I kind of started realizing this in middle school when everyone was just starting to talk about wanting to have sex with people or being sexually attracted to someone. Where as for me i just never really had a sexual attraction towards anyone. I didn’t actually feel any sexual attraction to anyone really until sophomore year and then again after i had graduated. But for me i honestly don’t care about “sex” yes it can be fun and pleasurable but i find all the other stuff way more fun i guess you could say. Now i also identify with being pansexual as well where i am more attracted to the person themselves then what the identify as. I find the persons personality more attractive then what’s in there “pants” more or less. That doesn’t mean i don’t find people attractive and aesthetically pleasing, trust me i do.

Now the hard thing about this is that i have noticed that a lot of people in this generation are more inclined to not date a friend because they don’t want to ruin the friendship. But to me i would much rather date someone i know well then go through that weird stage of getting to know each other while dating. I don’t know i might just be weird on that one lol.

Again if you have anything to add leave it in the comments!

xx

CassandraLeah

 

Bad Timing

Hello, once again i am writing late at night. It’s 11:15pm here in New Hampshire. Seems to be the time i have all my best thinking.

Have you ever heard of the expression “right place, wrong time” or maybe “right person, wrong time”? Now not everyone believes in these sayings, but i for one do. I feel that maybe sometimes you’re meant to do something but its the wrong time so it feels like you have failed. I experienced this a while back when i graduated but didn’t end up getting all my hours for my cosmetology license. At the time i felt like such a failure and like i had not only let myself down but had let my whole family down. But a year later i had finished and got my license. Now that was almost a year ago and i have a job in a salon and i love it.

Now I’m pretty sure you have been in the situation of “right person, wrong time” or have at least seen it. Now i guess it could happen to anyone in anyway but I’ve had it happen to me a couple times and let me tell you, its almost as painful as a broken heart. Believe me its not anywhere near that but that is the only way i can describe it at the moment.

Bad timing is something that happens all the time, its something you cant control, its something you just need to deal with in the moment. I tend to cry and then put on my big girl panties and move on with life. Everyone deals with things differently, just try and deal with things in a healthy way.

I hope at least one person related to this.

xx

CassandraLeah

Feelings

Feelings. They can be so intense. Recently I have had some crazy intense feelings, loneliness, sadness, love, happiness, etc. But feelings can always cause a lot of your stress. It can also become overwhelming. What a thing feelings are, they’re so beautiful yet I feel as if most of us just don’t know how to deal with them. 

Well that’s all my thoughts right now I just needed to get some things out. Thanks for reading

Xx

CassandraLeah

Midnight Thoughts

Dang two post in one day look at me go

Disclaimer: this is just basically a stream of what is going through my head right now, this is no way pointed at anyone. I just can’t sleep and hope this will help. I may even delete this later.

As of late my brain and thoughts have been filled with the questions of what is love? Am I just infatuated with the idea of love? Do people try and find love only to feel as if they have purpose in this life? I feel like us as people and myself in particular might just be in love with the idea of falling in love. It’s something that is constantly around us starting from such a young age. Are we confusing a deep varing love for someone close to us with the actual feeling of falling in love with someone? That’s what I don’t get. How can one word, such as Love, be meant in so many different ways? Why can’t there be different words for different kinds of love, like the love you feel towards your family vs the love you feel towards your best friends? And how am I, someone who feels love for not only family but my closest friends, separate that from feeling love towards a partner?

Now along with love and such recently there has been more post and other things on the social networks of cheating. Now that is one thing I have never been able to wrap my head around. How can you be with someone you love and care for deeply but then feel the need to go behind their backs and misuse their trust in you? In some ways I can see some points from their side but still, the amount of hurt you are doing to someone mentally is not worth it. If you truly cared about them you wouldn’t even think of not being loyal to them. I don’t know maybe there is something I’m not seeing because I feel like this generation hell all of the generations have had a problem with this. How hard is it to stay loyal and not break the trust of your loved one?

xoCassandraLeah

It’s Been a Rough One

Hello it is currently 7:04pm on a Saturday night.

Just a heads up this isn’t going to be as exciting and interesting as my last post.

These past couple of weeks have been difficult to say the least. You see about a month ago or so we(as in us New Englanders) were getting the first signs of spring, more  sun, longer days, etc. So for someone like me where my depression is slightly based around the time of year this was wonderful for me. I could physically feel myself getting happier. But of course good ole New England is notorious for being unpredictable. Today is the first of April and we just got about a foot or more of snow.  Yes it’s beautiful to look at but fuck i’m so sick of it. To me the months between December and until Aprilish are the hardest to get through especially January and February. It’s filled with bitter cold days, grey sky’s and grumpy people. Pair that with me just being on a particularly hard downswing of my depression these past months haven’t been too great mentally. Yes i have been having a wonderful time with my friends but they aren’t always there, well at least physically. Being alone with my thoughts is something I don’t enjoy. They keep me up almost every night with the what ifs and the you should’ve done this, etc.

No i’m not looking for sympathy or attention. I’m simply just getting things out of my head and “onto pen and paper” so to say. But I noticed I actually have a couple of followers on here, so if you have any tips or experiences with mental illnesses please comment below i would be forever grateful.

I guess that is all for today. Remember to keep your chins up and I’m going to work on keeping mine up as well. Talk to you soon.

xoCassandraLeah

A Night To Remeber

3/19/2017

One thing that everyone has in common is an emotional connection to either an artist, band, song, etc. I have the biggest connection to the band Bring Me The Horizon. They are my favorite band by far.

For some people music is just music but to me and pretty much everyone I know, music is what has saved their life. It says what you can’t say, it says so much about someone and what they’ve been through.

So I have seen BMTH for the first time with my best friend Shannon. Now that was my first official concert, and I have not gone to one that has topped it. Well that is until last night. Back in December I got a text from Shannon with a screenshot of her phone and the caption of “Merry Christmas”. She had gotten us tickets to see them again, I have never been so excited for a concert. First thing you need to know about Shannon and I is that we’ve been through some shit. Shannon has been through so much and to keep things slightly private lets just say I’m so happy I got to go with her last night.

Now if you have never been to a BMTH concert, first GO!, but anyways they put on a fantastic show. The musicality is amazing Oli’s voice is beautiful, and they’re stage set is just amazing. For me this is always an emotional band for me. Every song has so much feeling to it, so much emotion behind it. So much so that as I was belting out the lyrics to every song I was also crying. Recently in my life shit has been fucking hard. (excuse my language).  But fuck, if it wasn’t for this band I don’t know what or where I’d be.

 

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